In a way, I really relate to the song “A Life Left Behind” by Dream Theater from their album The Astonishing. It is a softer-sided song compared to the majority of their hits. The musical-theater-based double-album work it is on is quite rich and refreshing to me.

The song “A Life Left Behind”, in particular, is resonating with me as I transition from being a musician to a regular “Joe”–particularly as I become a father in the coming month or so (our baby could come any time, for all I know).

But, wait, am I no longer a musician?

In some ways, I don’t identify as being a musician anymore. I was struck when I was presented with a photo of me as a child, and the presenter referred to me now as a musician. However, I don’t feel that I identify as a musician. I mean, I don’t spend all of my time doing it, and frankly, most of the time I kind of suck at it. Sometimes I do produce professional quality things, but most of the time I’m throwing out material left and right, even polished material.

I am aware that comparisons make one feel suffering easier than most other things, and this post is in part due to being on social media for the first time in two days (I’m trying to not be on it much, if at all, but I slip up). In short: the glamor reel of social media is a great way to feel terrible about your music.

But I really don’t want any pity–I know I am a decent musician regardless of my mood or time spent online. What I am really getting at is that I no longer identify with the idea of a musician. In fact, my Buddhist practice has resulted in me casting off most labels–including Buddhism, which I really am not a member of anymore either.

But, back to labels and identification. I am no longer a musician. Sure, I play guitar, I compose, and I spend much time fawning over the craft of making music. But I can’t carry that label. Not because I’m against labels or anything like that. I just don’t consider myself a musician. It’s not how I define myself anymore.

Instead of labeling, I would prefer to not really refer to myself as a musician, guitarist, composer, etc. I would rather be known for music I make, instead of a box that I can be put in. If you like my work, I encourage you to say that, but there is no reason to tell me that I am a musician, composer, guitarist, etc. I’ve made and will probably continue to make music, but I don’t let that define me anymore. It’s just something I do. (And, if you hate my work, that’s fine too. It’s just some sound that I documented and/or improvised.)

And, I’m really not upset about any of this. This is just me being in touch with myself. I don’t think labels are something I want on me–they place limits that I personally do not think fit my experience in life. Don’t get me wrong–if you use labels and they work for you, I am happy for you. If you are a musician who considers yourself a musician, and that works for you, I’m all in for how you want to be labeled.

And let me just also say, that I am not a cat dad, husband, soon-to-be father, bursar, or anything else that I have to call myself out of convenience. I’m not any of those. I love my cats, I love my wife, I am certainly going to love my wife’s and my child, and I spend most of my waking hours working with student and department finances. But, I really am not categorized by a label. This just isn’t the case.

So, why am I rambling on? I want to both express my feelings and impress upon you that it’s okay to say farewell to being a musician. It might make your life better to be unburdened by a label. I can say that I will continue to make music, but I feel freer to make the music I want because I no longer have to be a musician when I make music. It’s kind of funny how that works, right? I mean, maybe I’ll make even more better music without a label to uphold.

Maybe I’m late to the game with this. People leave their labels behind all the time, I assume. Some people suddenly get their MBA after being an artist, some people drop their busy careers to write poetry, and some people become hermits after making tons of money.

Maybe there is something radical in completely changing your life direction that I can look into. For now, I can assure you that I am no longer a musician. I make music, but I am not defined by it. I can make mediocre things and professional things and it’s okay. I don’t have to live up to the label, the standard, that I used to. I feel freer, and I hope my life and art is freer as a result, too.

Farewell, life left behind.

Dan

Further reading: In Defense of Being a Hobbyist Musician – https://composerstoolbox.com/2019/07/18/in-defense-of-being-a-hobbyist-musician/