Yes, I am a hobbyist in music. A hobbyist with a Master’s degree, professional experience, money earned, and an obsession with music.

Dolla Dolla Bills Y’all

Right now, I don’t make any money from music. And, frankly, that’s fine by me. I have a really rewarding job in administration at UConn Health. I have financial stability so I can help support my family (including soon-to-be child), my cats, and my composing, guitar, and audio addictions. This stability also allows me to retain complete artistic control over how I want my music to sound, and the timetable I have to write it.

I guess it doesn’t get more ideal for me than this. I am one of the super lucky ones, and I’m extremely grateful for it.

But, being a hobbyist is looked down upon in most fields. And for those who live, eat, and breathe music, having someone who studied in conservatory say they are a hobbyist, can feel like a smack to the face.

Sorry! I’m not successful as a musician anymore. I don’t love music any bit less, and I will never cease to be a musician, but my life has changed. The raft of music that carried me to the island I am on won’t serve me well if I carry it on my back when I walk around the island. Maybe by being converted to a walking stick or a shelter it can better serve me. But, I now have food to find on the island, fire to make, starry skies to adore, and bitter storms to survive.

But have I given up???

This isn’t really goodbye to music, but in a sense it is. The idea I always had of what “music” is, what a “musical life” is–all of that is gone now. Not gone, actually–just changed. I am in a different phase of my life, and this too shall pass. Right now I’m learning to do less, which means that I have also learned to turn off the constant musical chatter in my head. Strangely enough, it makes my music better to not have constant music flowing in it. I am actually surprised that I can now “turn off the radio” (the radio being the songs playing in my head).

Music isn’t something you should die for, and I guess I realize that now. There are more important things, after all. (I am going to be a father, after all!)

Call me a sell-out, washed-up, domestic, whatever you want. I am a hobbyist and that is the life I am currently living. Do I make professional-grade shit? You bet. But I am no professional musician.

–Dan