Rejection: it stings. It tests us. It hits us. It makes us feel rotten. But rejection is necessary to become a success.     

Mickey Mouse. Two words. One character. No matter where you are from, or what language you speak, unless you grew up in a cardboard box, you probably recognize those two words. If you think for one second that Disney is not a successful company (a conglomerate whose ownership spans everything from Pixar, to ESPN, to Marvel – and yes – Lifetime network (who would have known?)), you would (obviously) be mistaken. When people think of Walt Disney, “imagination” and “magic” are words that pop to mind. He is the icon of “imaginuity” (is that a word?). But what if I told you that he failed hundreds of times and was told that his work “lacked imagination,” “was absurd” and featured “no good ideas?” Well, Disney is not the only icon of success that embraced failure and pushed himself – until he was finally successful.

            Love him or hate him, the beloved (or loathed) Colonel Sanders, a multibillionaire and entrepreneur was turned away not 20 times, not 100 times, not even 1,000 times but 1,009 times before he was finally recognized and started to see success in his company. As someone who is well aware of these stories, and who has his own stories of failure (being told that his work is “green” and “developing” at best) – we all know that rejection stings. It tests us. It hits us. It makes us feel rotten. But it is necessary to become a success. Today, I am going to teach you how to succeed – in failing. How to put yourself out there, not give up, and be ready to fail – so you can be successful.

1. Assume you are not going to make the cut. Wait—you’re asking us to throw in the towel? I thought being a defeatist was bad. Well it is. And no, no one is throwing any towels (figuratively or literally). What I am saying is hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Imagine reading the words – “We regret to inform you that…” before you even send in the application. Imagine not landing your dream job before you even schedule an interview. Anticipate being rejected over and over – until the thought of not being selected doesn’t get to you. That way you can keep putting yourself out there – hoping for success but preparing for failure. You’d be surprised how successful you can become – even if it takes hundreds of “no”s to get to that one “yes” that changes your life forever.
2. Accept that you don’t have to love everything you do. This is hard for me. I have become so engrossed in making everything “just right” that it often takes precedence over every activity in life. I confess – I just deleted an old SoundCloud file and replaced it with a new one. Why? Because the new one had a slightly “richer” sound (whatever that means). Because somehow I convinced myself that one arbitrary rendition invoked more “pleasure” that I needed to waste time swapping one out for another when I had a million other things to do (including my laundry which seems to pile up week after week, though I am getting better). The bottom line: not everything you do is going to be amazing. Not everything you do, even in your “dream job”, will be a “dream come true.” And that’s okay. Sometimes okay is okay. Sometimes good suffices. Excellent is great – when it happens, but we can’t forget that every once in a while there will be the “bad”s and the “ugly”s. We can’t let the quest to perfect our passion interfere with our life – or moving forward, putting our work out there, and getting to where we want to go in life.
3. Write an accomplishment list – Though this may sound like a cliche Dr. Phil activity (wait–I thought this was a music blog!). It can be a wonderful tool for lifting spirits (whether you are religious or not). We can be our own worst critics. I have wasted hours yelling at myself, beating myself up, telling myself how much I “suck!” because something did not go the way I wanted it to (I didn’t get the “gig”, or somebody didn’t like something I did). Clearly Dr. Phil (or any therapist) would likely not approve. Though we often live to get approval from others it can be a terrible addiction. Fortunately, recovery for this one doesn’t require painstaking rehab sessions. It requires deciding to love yourself, and approving of the work you do. By writing a list of accomplishments and reading it through the eyes of someone else, you will likely change the way you view yourself and your work.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others – Self-comparison is tempting, but it is a dark temptation. We all do it – he or she has more medals than we do, or they got a promotion and we didn’t – but it does little more than to make us feel bad about ourselves. You would be surprised to know that the person you are envying may very well be jealous of you because of the life you have – meanwhile two people are wasting their precious lives bemoaning a life that neither one will have. Remember, there is a plan for everyone, whether you believe in a higher power or not. Everything works out, and the only one who can stop you from believing in you is you.

The Bottom Bottom Line – (Am I allowed to repeat that phrase?) No matter where you are in life, you have talent. Love the work you do. Believe in yourself. Pat yourself on the back. “Oh, but I tore myself apart so many times.” It’s never too late to change your attitude to one of gratitude (am I Dr. Seuss?). Keep trying and never give up. All it takes is one yes, no matter how many “no”s you have to wade through. You can do it! Don’t worry if you don’t land this job – you’ll get a better one next time. Don’t worry if you lose a few (or many) competitions, you’ll win something bigger. And don’t let a history of defeatism defeat you now – no matter how cruel you were to yourself; you can forgive yourself and change the way you see yourself. You have the power to succeed, and the key to success is persistence – not talent alone. Good luck; keep going and you WILL make it. Tell yourself you are already successful and watch your life change as you speak.

David Pennise
Composer, French Hornist,  MFA Student
https://youtu.be/mwrfOT702p0
https://soundcloud.com/user-550028505

For more on rejection: Rejection – the “Downside” of Competitions